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BREAKING: Malia Obama Sex Tape Surfaces And It’s GROSS

Admit it: you knew it was going to happen the moment you first saw video of her twerking and doing drugs in public. Malia Obama’s sex tape has surfaced.

The video was apparently recorded shortly after her 18th birthday and appeared on torrent sharing website Pirate Bay. The 30-minute video shows the former First Daughter performing some pretty reprehensible sex acts, and it’s so utterly gross that we could only make it through about 5 minutes of the 37-minute masterpiece of horror before resorting to eye bleach and heavy drinking.

The man in the film appears to be around 27 years old, white, and of average physical build but his exact identity is unknown. For part of the video, he is wearing a t-shirt that simply says “Enjoy Your Red Meat, Assholes.” The meaning of that phrase is unclear.

While the exact location can not be easily be determined, it seems to have been filmed on a college campus – perhaps even Harvard.

The Obamas love to pretend that they’re perfect. Maybe it will help King Barack and King Michelle remember what it’s like to be human now that their daughter is a wrecking ball of depravity.

Meanwhile, President Trump’s daughters are all successful, hard-working assets to America rather than drug-using embarrassments to humanity.

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